A "Cobbler" and dodgy socks

The Cobbler

Due to a logistical washing machine faux pa I had to head up "The Cobbler" today wearing a pair of ASDA George Bri-Nylon sports socks with my boots.

The resulting blisters are of Vesuvian proportions..

Still managed to get a cracking panorama shot (above) with the inaccessible peak in the foreground, although its not really that inaccessible just as long as you don't lose your bottle on the shear drop.


Me looking a bit serious, and learning valuable lessons about socks from ASDA and keeping up with laundry.

Road to somewhere and restless natives

Got a new handheld Garmin Global Positioning System (GPS) today for when I'm climbing and to also have a bash at Geocaching.

I was gaggin to play with my new gizmo and so I programmed in a destination and route from my Ordnance Survey Memory-maps and set off to my destination using precise latitude and longitude coordinates.

After a tough and stressful trek guided exactly to my destination by my trusty new toy I collapsed exhausted.

Unfortunately however I was soon approached by a group of enquiring and somewhat vocal young natives asking in the local dialect "Ho big man wits that ye've goat, huv ye awny sper change fur some bucky big man?".

Fortunately I had studied this quaint and ancient language and replied "piss aff ya wee shites or ah'll gie ye's aw a polecrusher" and they soon went on their way but only after they tried to cast doubt on my parental lineage.

Think next time I go to that same inhospitable terrain I might attract less attention with the locals if I leave the bobble hat, tent and rations for 10 days back in the house and travel light.

Still, it was a nice wee 20 minute walk to the fields up by my house and the GPS worked a treat.

Mysteries of the NEXT sale

Can somebody tell me, why when NEXT always has it's sale all thats ever "on sale" are wee sizes, sodding great huge f***er sizes and soap toiletry sets?

One can only deduce from this that the only people that shop in NEXT and buy their stuff at full price are medium sized ming'in soap dodgers.

Reason for Glasgow crap summer 07 discovered

Its no coincidence that since these three chancers came on the scene in Buchanan Street a few weeks ago giving it plenty on the Native American pipes and drums that Glasgow's weather and the UK as a whole has been dampish.

I bet the sods have been playing a raindance and pissin themselves laughing since they got here.

Apart from that they're so talented at playing "live" that today you could still hear all three of them playing pipes when all they had was drumsticks in their hands.

Now that takes skill.

Get y'er wellies on ye've pulled

Met this charming young lady whilst a-wandering in the hills today who had a line in conversation far more interesting and intelligent than many of the Nedicus Commonus I often have the misfortune to overhear on the train into work.

Eazy Ozy

Not much on today and it's peeing doon.

Crazy call from my parents who are on holiday saying it's really sunny where they are just now so could I go and water the plants!

"Mental note....must try to explain the concept of geographical weather patterns to parents when they get home."

Having looked outside the window I've taken the decision that this request would achieve no further benefit to their prize blooms plus I'd look a right diddy watering plants in the pouring rain.

Jobbies are not bio-degradeable

Exactly how long does a jobbie take to degrade? I have now stepped over the same jobbie up at Glencoe twice having first had to avoid this natural bio-hazard over a month ago. And before anyone asks "How do I know its the same one", believe me this jobbie is unique and possibly worthy of a mention in the tour guides.

Do highland jobbies have a half life similar to that of Uranium-238 ??

Panoramic Postings

Been mucking about with the photomerge tool in Adobe Photoshop Elements to produce some nice panoramas.

The one above is of Sunnyside beach West of Findlater Castle on the Moray coast.

The one below is of Cullen looking westwards towards Portknockie. You can just make out the "Bow Fiddle" rock on the most easterly point on the horizon.

Cullen Bay Campfires

Decided to impress everyone with my campfire starting skills and managed to impress myself by getting one going with a spark and a bit of fluff !!

We all ended up staying on the beach until after midnight toasting ourselves around the fire.

Sausage On Beach

Just up with the kids on the annual pilgrimage to Cullen & Portknockie. Today was our first "proper" day out having travelled up yesterday.

As the weather was fantastic today it called for a day at the beach where we spent all day right up until sunset enjoying the sea and just chilling out.

Took the small camping stove down with us which was a brilliant idea as everyone tucked into rolls and sausage for lunch and when it started to get chilling at night hot soup was the order of the evening.









Yours truly trying to look cool and failing

Nut so simple

I was sitting in a bar the other day contemplating life and during a lull in my thinking process, brought on my an attack of the munchies, I purchased a bag of dry roasted peanuts.

As I nibbled my way through them trying to get back on the path of inspiration I was amazed to discover, according to the warning notice on the said bag of peanuts, that and I quote....

"Warning may contain nuts or have been processed on machinery also used in the processing of nuts".

This left me severely flummoxed as now I wasn't sure if the bag of savoury snacks actually was what they eluded to be, the warning quite clearly said "May contain nuts" which left me thinking if these weren't nuts then what the heck were they. So In order to allay my fears I asked the barmaid to sample some and she confirmed that they were indeed peanuts of the dry roasted persuasion.

However this meant only one other thing......a nut lottery.

Everytime you buy a bag of these "nuts" you are taking a gamble as, according to the manufacturer, some may have nuts in them and some may not, its a chance you have to take.

I'm now left in the situation of everytime I want a bag I now ask the person behind the bar to open them first to check that there's nuts in them before I actually buy them. Curiously, so far every bag purchased up to now has indeed contained nuts so I don't know what the manufacturers are playing at but they obviously have no concept of gambling odds.

Or have I misunderstood something???

Inspiration Wednesday, or rather lack of

Due to it being a nice day today and quite frankly I couldn't be bothered thinking of anything of note I decided just to take the kids up to Balmaha for a pub dinner and forest walk.

Never ones to miss an opportunity to pose the dynamic duo stopped for a few impromptu shots.

Global warming and snowboarding

While driving into town today I happened to notice the amount of snowboarding equipment & clothing shops that appear to be popping up all over inner-city high streets and malls.

And then, as the sun blazed though my windscreen while the air-conditioner tried to cope, it struck me.

Global warming, as we have come to understand it, hasn't been caused by gas guzzling cars, aeroplanes and the need for armpits as fresh as a daisy but by snowboarders.

In a classic case of cause and effect a direct correlation can be drawn between the rise in snowboarding and therefore the need for snowboarding shops, the increase in global warming and the sharp decline of snowfall in the Cairngorms.



My theory is almost brutal in its simplicity, as the would-be snowboarders ever increasingly demand the need for the latest street cred gear and ultra-high tech boards then as a direct result more and more far eastern factories, who's understanding of the Kyoto agreement is as good as George Bush's, are required to produce more and more synthetic boards and clothing while churning out ever increasing ozone destroying pollution .

At the current rate of snowboard shops opening I predict that Glen Shee will be full of bamboozled snowboarders trying to get their boards to slide on grass by 2024.

So snowboarders, stop looking trendy and save the planet, just go out with your wellies and a nice woollen polo neck jumper that your mum knitted.

Future Orange?....more like a melon

I've just experienced your classic call centre conversation courtesy of Orange customer care.

Me: I'm phoning on behalf of a friend who has lost all signal on her mobile and it is her only means of communication other than by post as she is living on a remote part of the Shetland islands. Can you tell me if your transmitter is down in that area?

Call centre: I'm sorry sir but as you are not the account holder I cannot give you any information about the account.

Me: But I dont want to know about the account just if your transmitter is down in that area.

Call centre: Can you give me her mobile number so that I may call and speak to her to confirm some details.

Me: %&$£$***$?*!!!! %!!***


The Future Is Bright The Future Is Orange........my ar$e

Wee old women and The Big Issue

Is it just me or have all the regular Big Issue vendors mysteriously disappeared and been replaced all over Glasgow by these wee old women in headscarves.

Has there been some sort turf war where these small women have, in one fell swoop, told all the other vendors to go to bed without any tea and not allowed them out again?

And why whenever I walk past one do I feel like I'm about to be told to go upto the shops for some messages** ?

**(Glasgow terminology for shopping)

Glaswegians and terrorists

Yesterdays failed attack by terrorists on Glasgow Airport only highlighted how poor the terrorists intelligence was regarding the attitude and resolve of your typical Glaswegian.

Had they attacked any other airport in the world there would no doubt have been signs of devastation and mass panic.

But they mistakenly chose Glasgow where, not wanting any further delays to their two weeks on the Costa and knowing they were going to get sunburned anyway, your typical Glaswegian decided just to stay in the check-in queues and not bother too much about suicide bombers and a blazing jeep full of gas canisters.

Did the attackers not realise they were facing an opponent far more formidable and hardy than any army they may have previously faced.........

The pissed off Glaswegian holidaymaker.

Incidentally the terrorists couldn't have had Edinburgh accents otherwise who knows what we would have done to them.