Popcorn Conspiracy Theory

Having just sat in a cinema and ate possibly the saltiest bucket of popcorn imaginable I am now of the opinion that the major manufacturers of soft drinks, toliet rolls, popcorn and cinemas themselves are all owned by one huge syndicate that have managed to trick cinema goers into a never ending cycle of:-

Salty popcorn = more drink consumed = more trips to toilet = passing food stall on return from toilet = buying more salty popcorn = requiring to consume more drink..............

Aldo V's Aldo

While walking down Buchanan Street I was horrified to discover a blatant copyright infringement of my personal brand, namely that of Alan (Aldo) Runcie.

A shop alleging to be representing the "Aldo" brand was staring me in the face. Whats more on entering the establishment it didn't sell any of the items usually associated with yours truly, not a single ipod widget or bit of computer tom-foolery was to be had on any of the shelves.

All there seemed to be was lots of women browsing through racks of shoes and so I hurriedly left.

Since then I have now written to their marketing director highlighting their oversight but have allowed them to continue using my name in exchange for a percentage of all their marketing revenue.

After all I am a household name......in my household anyway.

Caravans, The Dragons Den & Global Warming

While recently stuck behind a caravan for several hours I tried to fathom out what the point of moving your living room around the country was.

The hassle involved in getting from A to B and once you're at the destination the seemingless endless hours you have to spend "moving in". It all seems to counteract the point of going on holiday to enjoy the views and fresh air.

I've lost count of how many people I've seen apparently content at doing nothing at all but sit in their caravan looking at stunning views of long golden bays while everyone else is actually out there getting the sand in their toes and the sea air in their lungs.

This brought me to develop a fantastic new business idea worthy of entry into the Dragons Den that would save caravan owners thousands of pounds, reduce global warming by saving on fuel and increase traffic flow during peak summer periods on tight country roads.

My idea would be to take 360 degree panoramic photos of all caravan sites throughout the U.K. and instead of Mr Caravan moving his mobile living room to these locations he could send off for the campsite view of his choice and get delivered straight to his door an 8 feet high by 20 feet wide freeze to wrap around his living room walls thereby completely removing the need to move off his sofa and he would still have all the facilities normally found in his caravan.

The expandibility of my idea is global and I would be able to provide locations that caravan owners would never have dreamed of going to such as the Bahamas, the Himalayas or even, for the real adventurer, Paisley.

I've decided to call this venture "Transglobal Panoramic Caravan Location Holidays" and have even thought of going into partnership with IKEA to provide, for those caravaners willing to spend a bit extra on my executive package, a choice of folding deckchairs and tables for that true outdoors indoors caravan experience.


Caravan owners,imagine this but in the comfort of your own home

Barbers & Hairdressers

While getting my monthly trim down at the barbers this morning it occurred to me that other than an obvious bit of industry class wars going on the only real difference between these two artistes de la coiffure is that one will openly provide their opinion on everything and doesn't give a monkeys what you think.

The other just says "Oh I know" all the time and charges 10 times the amount for letting you think they've agreed with everything you've just said.

I'm now convinced thats why women always feel good after coming out of a hairdressers, they "think" they've just spoken to someone for the last two hours who's on the same wavelength as them whereas I just come out of a barber's convinced I really know absolutely nothing about global politics or who is playing for Rangers or Celtic these days.

Geeksville

As any true geek will tell you they have to try out all the bells and whistles on a new toy. So since this blog allows you to post an entry via email I had to try it.
 But in true geek style I've sent it via my Sony Ericsson W810 mobile phone while my laptop is less than a foot away.

Uber Geek.

Best cheesecake ever

If you're ever onboard the Northlink ferry from Aberdeen to Lerwick then you have to get a slice of their Orkney Cheesecake.

My friend Jacquie told me about it when I was texting her while I was onboard.

Its' the best piece of cheesecake I've ever had and worth the 14 hours that you're stuck on the ferry.

In the event of drinking too much Red Bull........

Just watch Pirates of the Caribbean - At Worlds End.

Just sat and watched this or should that be wasted 3 hours of my life.

This movie is guaranteed to make your brain convince your body to perform a frontal lobotomy on yourself in order to preserve some sanity if you haven't fallen asleep within the first hour that is!!!

My Spot

Found a great little bay on Loch Lomondside that's great for sitting at and passing away the hours with only me, the odd duck and the occasional fishing boat to break the silence and the fantastic views.

I've officially made it "my contemplation spot"

William Wallace - The Return

While my mate David and I were up Ben Lomond recently we took it upon ourselves to remind some of the tourists exactly what part of the country they were in.

This was taken in the middle of June and if you look closely you an see the snow falling horizontally !!

Needless to say they're were one or two who had to ask what the flag was of and what the connection was......some folk eh ???

The first of many.....hopefully

Well there always has to be a first post and this is it !?

A few weeks ago I spent a great time with my friends Colin & Jacquie up in Baltasound in Unst.

Spent endless hours exploring the island and enjoying its scenery.

One of the most curious things I came across was the famous bus stop (pictured) which is regularly decorated and kitted out with all modern appliances, when I was up it was a living room!

At the weekend we all headed south to the Shetland mainland and a few days of brilliant camping at Eshaness.

A brilliant time and one I will always remember.