Just seen an ad on TV for an online dating agency declaring that they've too many hot women and need more men.
Surely what they really mean is they've too many ugly blokes that any woman, even those with an unfortunate passing resemblance to John Prescott, wouldn't touch with a bargepole.
That's why you'll not find me on any of those websites, women tend not to be attracted to guys who look like George Clooney......that's George Clooney of Dundee (current occupation - rear bumper of a dogem).
That combined with an amazing nervous adeptness at clamming up tighter than the Queens sphincter** doesn't really lend itself to the smooth talking persona's that Hello Magazine and Cosmo tell women to demand in us chaps.
Oh Bugger !
**Based on an alleged statement from a palace spokesman that "the Queen never farts and her sphintcer is indeed completely airtight during all state occasions"
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Charity Workers
Anyone noticed the new breed of charity workers who tend to work in packs and casually stroll up to you with the offer of a "chat".
I decided, after walking past about five of the sods all offering a "chat", to call their bluff and before one of them managed to launch into their script I immediately started up a "chat" by asking what their thoughts were on the stance NATO should take over the Russia/Georgia situation.
This drew a bit of a blank with my new found and apparently not so chatty friend so I decided to take the conversation down a few levels.
Alas their opinion on whether Big Brother was just an excuse to provide unemployed Geordie tv commentators with jobs was also somewhat lost on them and so I bid my farewell.
I decided, after walking past about five of the sods all offering a "chat", to call their bluff and before one of them managed to launch into their script I immediately started up a "chat" by asking what their thoughts were on the stance NATO should take over the Russia/Georgia situation.
This drew a bit of a blank with my new found and apparently not so chatty friend so I decided to take the conversation down a few levels.
Alas their opinion on whether Big Brother was just an excuse to provide unemployed Geordie tv commentators with jobs was also somewhat lost on them and so I bid my farewell.
Sailing is a....Sport ??
Now I don't want to detract from the success of the British Olympic Team at Beijing this year but........
When the f%$k did sailing in a dingy become a sport?????
Surely that's a pastime which involves the parking of ones arse down and being blown about like Dirk Diggler on a busmans holiday.
Now if the competitors had to use their own lungs to produce the wind then I'd be impressed but where exactly is the athleticism in sitting in a wee dingy and moving a rudder?
All Rights Reserved
When the f%$k did sailing in a dingy become a sport?????
Surely that's a pastime which involves the parking of ones arse down and being blown about like Dirk Diggler on a busmans holiday.
Now if the competitors had to use their own lungs to produce the wind then I'd be impressed but where exactly is the athleticism in sitting in a wee dingy and moving a rudder?
All Rights Reserved
Sunday, 3 August 2008
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