Neds - A positive note

A surprisingly positive side effect of your nedicus commonus or greater chequered chav is their rather curious need, no matter what the weather is, to completely cover their faces with their mating plumage a.k.a. the Burberry scarf.

Now whilst many might see the covering of the face as being rather sinister it does have the rather splendid spin-off that nobody has to contaminate their eyes by catching sight of the glakit heid the baw underneath said scarf.

Aw right ya bawbag

Mating ritual of the common ned

El-Scorchio in the fair city today so a jaunt to Sainsburys for some eating out edibles before offing to the Royal Exchange Square to meet up with my buddy David.

Whilst enjoying the sunshine sitting on the steps outside Borders bookstore and watching the world go by we started to notice within about 5 minutes of the temperature rising the all too common site of a male Nedicus Commonus proudly displaying his summer plumage.

He had shed off his traditional garb of Nike and Burberry and was now flaunting for all the female office workers his naked wiry top half, a glorious shade of milk bottle white, under the Buckfast fed delusion that he was remotely athletic and attractive to his female prey.

It was quite humorous watching him circumnavigate the square with that all too familiar “look at me I’m a tough guy” swagger only with each lap of the square to watch the swagger rapidly degenerate into a sort of “I’m a plonker” shuffle when he started to realise that the lovely ladies weren’t looking at him out of admiration but out of shear curiosity.

He finally gave up on his mating ritual when he was outshone by a wee drunk guy who had a higher IQ in his toe than numpty had in his entire brain under the fake Burberry cap he was wearing.