Trip to Rothesay photoblog

Quite a nice day so decided to take the kids on the ferry over to Rothesay.

I'll let the pictures do the talking as, apart from anything, it's Sunday night and I'm too knackered to type.






































End

Gentlemen of largish dimensions

In The Auctioneers today having lunch with my trusty accomplice Mr David (did you just drop one?) Wright and as we were about to partake in the house speciality of fish and chips we were approached by a gentleman of largish dimensions who enquired "Do you know where you are?".

After a brief pause followed by a quick survey of my immediate surroundings I replied in absolute confidence "Aye, how do you?"

This stunning counter move on my part visibly flummoxed the gentleman of largish dimensions who, after what seemed like an eternity and long enough for my accomplice to grab the menu in readiness for his infamous spinning-menu-of-death ninja move, eventually replied "Huh".

It now became apparent that we were dealing, not with the local gunslinger but, with the village idiot.

Having now noticed that he was midway through a text to someone and not being the type to make fool of life's unfortunates I asked the gentleman of largish dimensions "Do you not mean do you know where this is" as I was now presuming he was trying to give his location to whoever would be at the receiving end of his text message.

"Eh, oh aye" replied the gentleman of largish dimensions "Do you know where I am?". At this point realising the immediate threat was over my accomplice relaxed his ninja-like stance and stood down from his infamous spinning-menu-of-death move.

Although as tempted as I was to just reply "you're in a pub" I noted that the gentleman of largish dimensions was able to blot out most of the light coming through the pub window by his presence alone and decided the better of it and instead replied "The Auctioneers".

After some frantic thumbing of his phone followed by an ever deepening furrowed brow, a long pause* and a scratch of his head the gentleman of largish dimensions then asked "can you spell that?"

My accomplice, having placed his menu-come-lethal-weapon back on the table, was now visibly moved to tears by the plight of the gentleman of largish dimensions and his inability to spell his current location.

Several attempts later and much repeating of "No, A-U-C-T-I............" the gentleman of largish dimensions eventually gave up and phoned his intended text recipient to which he obviously asked "Where's that".

My accomplice and I quickly decided a carry out lunch was the order of the day and hurried our departure before the gentleman of largish dimensions asked for his longitude and latitude........

We never knew, or for that matter cared, as to what happened to the gentleman of largish dimensions or his lost companion but he had no idea how close he came to being on the receiving end of the infamous spinning-menu-of-death and prospect of having to remove bits of the words today's specials or scampi and chips from his cranium.

And the moral of this story........?

Never enter a pub that has more than two syllables in it's name, it confuses village idiots.

*Long Pause

Having never measured the exact length of a standard pause I have concluded that a long pause is slightly shorter than a wee minute but longer than a tick.

This weeks arty picture slot

Grabbed this inside Glasgow's princess square coming back from lunch.

...and these ones while passing a display of classic cars

Have you switched it off and on ?

This is for everyone that knows me and who I've fixed a computer for.... you know who you are.

See how lucky you are to know me !!!!!!

Hotel toilet rolls

Why do hotels always insist on folding the ends of all their toilet rolls into that nice little pointy thing?

After a great deal of contemplation I have managed to compile a shortlist of the most viable reasons for carrying out this act of origami.

1. To ensure that visitors unfamiliar with the concept of bog rolls know to pull the paper downwards, as indicated by the handy arrow.
   


2. To assist in the cleaning of the butt crack, the pointy shape allowing deeper cleaning of those hard-to-get-at crevices.



3. For the maids to have fun to see what guests are sad enough to put the fold back in after undertaking the act of removing any dangleberries.

Coneheads

Thought I'd grab this photo while I was in town today because its a bit unusual.

Now the keen eyed amongst you think "aha, the horse has a traffic cone on its head" and you would be partially right.

However ask any Glaswegian and they will immediately tell you its unusual because the cone should in fact be on the rider, the Duke of Wellington, and not the horse.

The statue of the Duke of Wellington sits on Glasgow's Royal Exchange Square outside the museum of modern art and has over the years become a Glasgow icon and a fine example of Glasgow's well known sense of irreverent humour.

The conqueror of Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815, is obviously not supposed to have a traffic cone on his bonce however some years ago a cone appeared overnight, presumably the result of a youthful prank. Although it was removed, it kept magically re-appearing and eventually the authorities gave up.

It has now become such a landmark that the statue and its cone have featured in tourist guidebooks. A few years ago, when Greater Glasgow & Clyde Valley Tourist Board wanted photographs to launch their new web site, they removed the cone. Immediately many Glaswegians, including the Lord Provost, Alex Mosson, complained that the cone was missing and that it highlighted the Glaswegian sense of humour.

The end result was that the photographs were ordered to be re-shot with the cone in place and Wellington (and sometimes his horse too) can now usually be seen sporting traffic cones!

The infamous Rainbow - Adult Episode

For anyone who doesn't know Rainbow was a children's television series in the United Kingdom which ran twice weekly at 12.10pm on Tuesdays and Fridays from 1972 to 1992.

Obviously bored with the normally quite innocent episodes the performers decided to liven things up a bit for fun and recorded an adult episode.

Although never actually aired on live TV the episode below was without doubt the best of the entire series.

Glasgow pirate stallholders move to Bangkok

There's a weekend market in Glasgow called "The Barras" which although years ago was a thriving and popular market is now nothing more than a focal point for the selling of everything fake including DVD's, CD's, and all manner of clothing and fashion labels.

Under the constant barrage of police activity the stallholders developed a knack of being able to disappear without a trace and reappear as if nothing had ever happened. However it's been a losing battle for the stallholders and in an apparent attempt to sell their covert operating skills many have now moved to the market places of Bangkok to impart their knowledge to the locals for a small fee.

Here we can see the amazing skills these Barras stallholders have managed to teach their fellow Bangkok traders including how to hide from and avoid, of all things, freight trains....

Howling Mad

Full moon tonight so not unlike a deranged werewolf I stood out in the back garden and stared up at the sky for a while before taking a few piccies.

I can happily report that no wolf-like transformations or urges manifested themselves other than a serious need to do a pee but this, I think, was caused by the cold and not by any primeval territory marking instinct unless you can count the one foot perimeter around the toilet pan that I frequently manage to mark as "mine".

Glasgow Merchant City Market

It was market day down at Glasgow's Merchant City so David, Heidi and yours truly set off to sample the produce and take in some of the atmosphere before ending up at Nandos Mexican restaurant for munchies.

So rather than write about it here's a wee photo blog.....


The hurly burly of the street market

Market stall dummy

Sweeties

Yuch, duck legs

More sweeties !


Just liked the colours


Quite a few bands playing today


Street performer prepares for next show


Wey, hey....

I was inexplicably drawn to this stall

Yum


More yum


Sadly the beer won and I went home alone.


Mandatory arty shot


Err...it's a sax player, otherwise someone better tell him his trumpets bent.


David and Heidi


Bongo player in Buchanan Street......

Well I hope those are bongo's otherwise that guy's got a SERIOUS problem.


Clyde water bus from Nando's window


Soon we would all be farting for Scotland

And a wee video....

Squirrels get their nuts felt

This wee guy was just too cute to not post a video.

If you go to Glasgow botanic gardens there's loads of these guys running around and because they're so used to people they think nothing of doing this........

Custard creams found to reverse aging process

If you're only as old as you feel how do I work this one out?

At this precise moment in time I feel like a nice cup of coffee and a few custard cream biscuits.

If I take into account the sell by date of December 2008 and the manufacturing process including the growing of the raw materials by my reckoning I'm only feeling about 3 years old at most.

Right, I'm off to the patent office before Clarins get their hands on my discovery.

Incidentally, does anyone know what ever happened to coconut cream biscuits?