Lavvie pot plants

Why do people put pot plants in toilets?

It cant be to mask the smell of one of your aunties legendary dumps as no amount of freshly cut roses could mask a minger of that magnitude.

So why give up a piece of prime real estate in what is usually the smallest room in the house to a geranium?

Maybe in an attempt to balance the ecological harmony of the cludgie some think that any pollutant "gases" released into the atmosphere will be somehow counteracted by an ivy in a plastic pot.

Personally I think they're an evolutionary leftover from when we wiped our arses with big leaves in the middle of the forest which would explain why many of the pot plants i've seen in toilets look like shit.

This.......

Is NOT to be confused with this.....

Bogshead Revisited

In a follow-up to my world famous exposé on the pointy fold that hotels put in their bog rolls I have since discovered the elite of pointy bits....

The pointy bit with freshness guaranteed sticky thing.

While undertaking my ablutions I thought long and hard over this, the pointy thing that is and not the other task I was undertaking, and I can only conclude that the sticker's only useful purpose is to ensure the guest that no other person has wiped their arse since the maid cleaned the room.

And so there we have it, a posh hotel can only be truly posh if it's lavvie paper is security sealed.

Hotel toilet rolls

Why do hotels always insist on folding the ends of all their toilet rolls into that nice little pointy thing?

After a great deal of contemplation I have managed to compile a shortlist of the most viable reasons for carrying out this act of origami.

1. To ensure that visitors unfamiliar with the concept of bog rolls know to pull the paper downwards, as indicated by the handy arrow.
   


2. To assist in the cleaning of the butt crack, the pointy shape allowing deeper cleaning of those hard-to-get-at crevices.



3. For the maids to have fun to see what guests are sad enough to put the fold back in after undertaking the act of removing any dangleberries.

Bog Roll Call

Stuck yet again in Heathrow suffering total boredom whilst waiting for my flight back home.

After reading all the travel mags in the lounge it struck me that whilst fully informing the would-be tourist of the best places to eat, drink, go clubbing, sightseeing etc none of them seem to inform the reader of the best places to undertake their daily ablutions, a fundamental necessity I would have thought on any trip abroad where the water or food is dodgy.

And so in the first, and probably last, in a series of articles I intend to cover the good and not so good places to partake in life's essential "business".

As I found inspiration in the Heathrow BMI exec lounge where best to start than there.

Here we find a traditional receptacle with twin bog-roll dispenser to help avoid those all too embarrassing moments of finding out "post evacuation" that the paper has run out and you have to waddle to the next cubicle to get some more whilst hoping that no one else comes in and spots you.

Although not scoring highly on space or decorative style this bog does have the welcome addition of the loo brush to assist in the removal of any persistent offenders.