City sights

Got a new camera the other day and decided to go for a walk around the city centre to try it out.

Wandered through Glasgow's George square which a few years ago was transformed from a lush green centre square with flourishing trees and plants and, at the behest of our loony council, into a big red asphalt covered monstrosity which would be better suited as a helicopter landing pad.

Strangely the only bit of greenery the councillors did leave was the part immediately opposite their own city chambers, presumably so that at least their view wasn't ruined.

Ironically Glasgow was historically known as "The dear green place", unfortunately for us the councillors understanding of Glaswegian history was summed nicely when one was asked to name a famous Glaswegian and could only come up with Wheech McGee, an ancient fictional character from the Evening Times.

I ended up in Borders Bookstore and took advantage of an open window to get a nice shot of the shoppers walking through Gordon Street.

There's a shop on the corner here with the unfortunate name of Lush which actually sells soap but I reckon it must frequently get mistaken by confused alcoholic women as on off-sales specializing in drinks that hide the smell of stale pish.

American werewolf remade in Glasgow

Missed out on seeing this guy live at the Edinburgh festival but he just sums up the Glasgow sense of humour to a tee. I first heard about him when browsing itunes and spotted his podcast "Limmy's world of Glasgow".

A lot of the humour is very Glaswegian or west of Scotland which some may not get but its a brilliantly witty social commentary on life in Glasgow.

This is his classic piss take of An American Werewolf In London

You can get more of him at Limmy.com

Comedy clubs - Quest for the safe seat

Although a regular visitor to the comedy clubs in Glasgow, particularly The Stand, I have yet to find the elusive "safe seat" where you can sit safe in the knowledge that the host or one of the acts won't use you as the mandatory audience fall guy.

The problem is that comedy clubs are usually quite intimate in their seating and often you will find yourself less than a couple of feet away from the acts and many a regular will deliberately, myself included, arrive at doors open to find a seat which will have the most distance and bodies between you and the stage.

This also allows the regulars to watch all the last minute arrivals panic and break out in a cold sweat as they realise the only tables and chairs left ARE the ones at the stage.

So my top tips to avoid becoming comedienne cannon fodder are:

• Never sit right at the stage (obviously)
• Always ensure that there is no direct line of sight between you and the stage microphone which is trickier than it sounds.
• Don't sit with your arms folded as this is a defensive stance that will get noticed.

Finally and most importantly.........

Never ever go for a piss during the act, you might as well just get your jacket and leave, as the amount that you piss in the toilet will be directly proportional to the amount of piss taken out of you if you do return to your seat.

Who's your David Brent?

For any of us who work in an office I reckon we must all at least have one David Brent from The Office.

I know one and I'm not sure whether he's where Ricky Gervais got his inspiration from or even worse if my one was inspired by Ricky Gervais.

He's the epitome of everything anal about the not so fictional character right down the use of consultancy buzz words, crap dancing and verbal faux pas, jeez he even looks like one!

You always know he's had a meeting with a new batch of consultants as he immediately starts using all their latest verbal diarrhoea and adages that they tend spout under some misguided delusion that he's "happening" in the world of management consultancy.

The problem is the only people who understand this total and utter cack is other management consultants so basically nobody ever has a clue what he's blubbering on about thus making him the worst manager in existence.

He on the other hand, being the poor misguided fool that he is, thinks that because nobody understands him he is either:

1. Operating on a higher intellectual plane than everyone else.


2. Needing to go on even more management consultancy training courses.


3. Needing to employ more management consultants to tell him how to manage.

In fact all he really has to do is is to tell all his consultant buddies to "get to f" and take the inspirational leadership book that's permamently wedged up his arse and burn it.